relationships

wow. i thought my past relationships sucked. leading myself on with 2 girls named hannah, falling in love with one (i think), asking out the second after asking out her best friend. classy.

oh, and of course, the asking out of best friends. lily wen, miranda, almost julia. and then fixing up miranda with chris davidson while liking her, and fixing up julia with russell before i knew i was over her. i've reli....i dont even know wat. fuck sarcasm, i'm a douche. i've cried over girls, prayed for girls, clawed at myself, punched walls, and wrote a shitload of poems. has it all been coincidence? am i sabotaging myself on purpose to repent? or am i just desperate? i've only lucked out with chigozie, and now i've put a time frame on our relationship.

part of me wants to end it, part of me never wants to let her go again. when we talked about wat it would be like to see each other with someone else after we ended it, i just felt so empty. like seeing another guy's hands on her would make me feel angry and jealous and possessive, but seeing her laugh or even smile at another guy would just make me feel empty. i love her, i know i do. "so why are u together?"

....sometimes i wonder that too.