i'm sorry. to all women everywhere. i'm sorry men seem to see u as just sexual objects, things we want, but plenty of guys in the past have tried treating you like people. ladies, think of a close friend of yours who was a straight guy. he was always so sweet, listening to you, doing schoolwork with you, holding doors open, comforting you when guys were douches to you, and just being there for you, as a friend should. ok, there's at least a 75% or so chance that guy was CRAZY about you at some point.
sure, part of his being crazy about you was because he was sexually attracted to you, and that probably affected how he saw you, just like it would any guy, because he was like many guys. but despite that possibly lustful admiration of you, he was still a friend. just cuz he was attracted to you, it didn't keep him from being there for you, always.
maybe one day he told you how he felt, that he had a crush on you, or god forbid, loved you. =P and you were shocked. you'd never thought of him like that. he was always so nice, and treated you so well, why would you be interested in a guy like that?
i could easily be wrong, but that's my theory on why MEN are dicks. when we were BOYS, we were nice to you, got close to you, somehow fell for you, and you didn't see us in that light. and that hurts. trust me. it never gets easier, hearing "but you're really sweet" "any girl would be lucky to date you" etc, from the girl you care so much about. and im not saying that women don't get hurt like that, but for some reason, it seems to happen to guys more. maybe we're more susceptible to falling for those close to us, who knows. but bottom line, when we were nice, we were friends, and nothing more.
but guys have needs, unfortunately. and those needs were not met by being nice to you ladies. we were hurt, and angry, and we became dicks to not get stuck as "just friends". it seemed like a good idea at the time, and maybe the first few women responded well to the change, probably cuz they saw it just as flirting, playful. but we gained faith in that method, i guess, and we continued to use it. it worked, and we were satisfied, at least sexually. but by this time, we saw emotions as less than helpful, so we were ok to neglect them in our sexual pursuits.
and so hurt boys became horny men who became numb dicks. sorry, if i sound like i'm bitching, i'm bitching about my past, not my present. again, i could be COMPLETELY wrong, this doesn't necessarily hold true for all men, but i can think of at least 4 men for whom it does/did. nice guys do get overlooked, and that's why we seem to be in such short supply. my apologies, ladies of the world who have been wronged by my gender.
Friday, September 12, 2008
manhood
being a guy is weird. being a girl is harder, undeniably, but guys have a pretty bad reputation, at least from the female point of view. but they have a point. a lot of guys talk about girls like they're objects. "i'd tap that" "she's got such a great body" etc. things get more complicated when guys become friends with girls, and they share views of men with us.
it's weird, cuz sometimes, a girl's just like "wow, he's hot" or "i'd fuck him", and then they get pissed at guys for looking at them just like objects. sure, girls are right to get pissed at guys, cuz we are worse, in that men think of women sexually probably a lot more than women think of men sexually, and that men act on those thoughts, pursuing the sexual experience, A LOT more than women do. but you're further objectifying us by thinking of us as sleezes or sketches for how we go about it, just like we objectify women when we call them sluts or bitches because of how they act.
but with guys, i like to think it's not all about sex. sometimes, we see a beautiful girl, and sure, we're attracted sexually, but i hope that at least 1 in 5 times, we just want to know your name, to start. but yea, men r pigs, we're driven by sex far too much, but we do have to put ourselves out there for non-sexual things too. like when we genuinely like a girl, we cant rely on them to make the first move most of the time, and then, the girl could think we're sketchy, or ugly, or unappealing in some way, shape or form, and it can get to us. oh wait, but men r pigs, and if we're only driven by sex, feelings should have no effect, right? hmm, but then again, i'm probably still a boy, so maybe i can have feelings. yay?
i dont even know why i wrote this. i'll probably delete it soon. sorry.
it's weird, cuz sometimes, a girl's just like "wow, he's hot" or "i'd fuck him", and then they get pissed at guys for looking at them just like objects. sure, girls are right to get pissed at guys, cuz we are worse, in that men think of women sexually probably a lot more than women think of men sexually, and that men act on those thoughts, pursuing the sexual experience, A LOT more than women do. but you're further objectifying us by thinking of us as sleezes or sketches for how we go about it, just like we objectify women when we call them sluts or bitches because of how they act.
but with guys, i like to think it's not all about sex. sometimes, we see a beautiful girl, and sure, we're attracted sexually, but i hope that at least 1 in 5 times, we just want to know your name, to start. but yea, men r pigs, we're driven by sex far too much, but we do have to put ourselves out there for non-sexual things too. like when we genuinely like a girl, we cant rely on them to make the first move most of the time, and then, the girl could think we're sketchy, or ugly, or unappealing in some way, shape or form, and it can get to us. oh wait, but men r pigs, and if we're only driven by sex, feelings should have no effect, right? hmm, but then again, i'm probably still a boy, so maybe i can have feelings. yay?
i dont even know why i wrote this. i'll probably delete it soon. sorry.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
girls
this may not hold for all guys, but it's how i see it.
when guys are in a relationship with someone we care about or respect, be it romantic or just friendly, sometimes it feels like we're on a pedastal with a not so sturdy base. the higher ur opinion of us, the higher the pedastal, and the higher chance we have to fall from ur grace.
when we care about u, we want to be your superman. we want to take care of u, help u out at least, and most of all, seem invincible. we (or at least me) get scared sometimes that if we show fear or break down in front of u, u'll lose respect for us, or get scared by our emotions, and leave. obviously, we don't want that, so sometimes we bottle up how we feel. we dont tell u straight out, but we still feel it, so we get sort of passive aggressive so that we can get our point accross without showing the weakness of sharing our turmoil. we're like little kids throwing tantrums or scowling in the corner just to get attention and to get taken care of.
but there's still the father figure in us who wants to provide and be a pillar of strength, who, even when the world is falling apart, wants to keep the children calm and look like we have everything under control, so sometimes we just shut down, and ignore or try to repress our emotions. completely. so we don't show how we feel at all, we just stop showing that we feel. we think we're protecting you by bearing our own burdens, because we don't want to whine and bitch to you, because we're supposed to take care of u, stay level-headed and stay strong for u.
but no matter how much we dislike it, guys do feel, and so we try to cope in those ways. with us, it builds up and builds up to, until we either burst out, telling everything, crying to ourselves, breaking down in ur arms, or emptying ourselves. it's like a sun in supernova. we have all this pent up energy, and we have to get rid of it. so we either burn, by ourselves, or burning others with us, or we implode and become vaccuuous, a black hole where we used to feel.
again, i could be wrong, and i may have gotten carried away with the metaphors, but to all women who get confused by men, i hope this helps.
when guys are in a relationship with someone we care about or respect, be it romantic or just friendly, sometimes it feels like we're on a pedastal with a not so sturdy base. the higher ur opinion of us, the higher the pedastal, and the higher chance we have to fall from ur grace.
when we care about u, we want to be your superman. we want to take care of u, help u out at least, and most of all, seem invincible. we (or at least me) get scared sometimes that if we show fear or break down in front of u, u'll lose respect for us, or get scared by our emotions, and leave. obviously, we don't want that, so sometimes we bottle up how we feel. we dont tell u straight out, but we still feel it, so we get sort of passive aggressive so that we can get our point accross without showing the weakness of sharing our turmoil. we're like little kids throwing tantrums or scowling in the corner just to get attention and to get taken care of.
but there's still the father figure in us who wants to provide and be a pillar of strength, who, even when the world is falling apart, wants to keep the children calm and look like we have everything under control, so sometimes we just shut down, and ignore or try to repress our emotions. completely. so we don't show how we feel at all, we just stop showing that we feel. we think we're protecting you by bearing our own burdens, because we don't want to whine and bitch to you, because we're supposed to take care of u, stay level-headed and stay strong for u.
but no matter how much we dislike it, guys do feel, and so we try to cope in those ways. with us, it builds up and builds up to, until we either burst out, telling everything, crying to ourselves, breaking down in ur arms, or emptying ourselves. it's like a sun in supernova. we have all this pent up energy, and we have to get rid of it. so we either burn, by ourselves, or burning others with us, or we implode and become vaccuuous, a black hole where we used to feel.
again, i could be wrong, and i may have gotten carried away with the metaphors, but to all women who get confused by men, i hope this helps.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
blogsecret
jessy mentioned some post secret things with 6 letters, so i figured i'd give it a shot.
can i be anything without her?
am i just full of shit?
can i save them, and myself?
will i see what others see?
should i give in, or fight?
i dont know why i question.
can i be anything without her?
am i just full of shit?
can i save them, and myself?
will i see what others see?
should i give in, or fight?
i dont know why i question.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
stones and pillows
the more i think about these analogies, the more sense they make.
sensitive guys are like pillows: rather thin surface, not great at hiding wat's within, filled with feathers, which are the parts of birds which help them fly. think of it as hopeful thought and a sort of transcendence of spirit. our insides are the stuff of birds, soaring anywhere, up into the sky, yearning towards the cosmos, inside we feel and remember possibility, hope, and freedom. pillows can also take quite a bit of punishment, they feel the impact, but can be fluffed back up. people cry into pillows, they beat them. pillows provide emotional and physical outlets.
smooth, less emotional guys are like stones: tough surface, difficult to penetrate, but even when they get broken, they're still stone on the inside, just a smaller slab. inside, stones are compressed sediment, created over time by pressure, a condensed mix of experience translated into a certain structure. stones are formed by time, and how nature affects them, and they're hard on the outside and inside, but not hollow.
sensitive guys are like pillows: rather thin surface, not great at hiding wat's within, filled with feathers, which are the parts of birds which help them fly. think of it as hopeful thought and a sort of transcendence of spirit. our insides are the stuff of birds, soaring anywhere, up into the sky, yearning towards the cosmos, inside we feel and remember possibility, hope, and freedom. pillows can also take quite a bit of punishment, they feel the impact, but can be fluffed back up. people cry into pillows, they beat them. pillows provide emotional and physical outlets.
smooth, less emotional guys are like stones: tough surface, difficult to penetrate, but even when they get broken, they're still stone on the inside, just a smaller slab. inside, stones are compressed sediment, created over time by pressure, a condensed mix of experience translated into a certain structure. stones are formed by time, and how nature affects them, and they're hard on the outside and inside, but not hollow.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
a stone
songs stick with me pretty easily. this one's about "a stone" by okkervil river.
so i figure, there are two "special?" types of guys: the heartbreakers, and the heartbroken. the heartbreakers are generally stones. smooth, but hard, nearly inpenetrable, strong, stoic, stony, basically. the heartbroken are different. this blog's mostly trying to define what they are. let's see, they're soft, sorta malleable (lead-on-able), emotional, easily broken or torn, but persistent...sponge? not quite.
hmm...maybe the heartbroken are like pillows. we're willing to sacrifice ourselves to break the fall of those we support, we serve the function of punching bags, projectiles, we're generally soft, we give comfort to a point, but its more constant and less appreciated than the safety a stone seems to give. i guess it makes sense when you think about it. pillows are nice and soft, but you can only make pillow forts, which aren't very protective. while stones can become castles, making you feel safe, and like a queen, and it seems just to protect you.
hmm, pillow still doesn't seem right. oh well, i'll give it more thought.
so i figure, there are two "special?" types of guys: the heartbreakers, and the heartbroken. the heartbreakers are generally stones. smooth, but hard, nearly inpenetrable, strong, stoic, stony, basically. the heartbroken are different. this blog's mostly trying to define what they are. let's see, they're soft, sorta malleable (lead-on-able), emotional, easily broken or torn, but persistent...sponge? not quite.
hmm...maybe the heartbroken are like pillows. we're willing to sacrifice ourselves to break the fall of those we support, we serve the function of punching bags, projectiles, we're generally soft, we give comfort to a point, but its more constant and less appreciated than the safety a stone seems to give. i guess it makes sense when you think about it. pillows are nice and soft, but you can only make pillow forts, which aren't very protective. while stones can become castles, making you feel safe, and like a queen, and it seems just to protect you.
hmm, pillow still doesn't seem right. oh well, i'll give it more thought.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
hero
i want to save, or at least help people. i see that as my noble mission in life. i have this self-righteous/selfless/wanting to be of service/self-martyring/tragic hero wish/complex.
i guess it started when i was younger, and still terrified of my mom. my sister still took piano back then, and she'd cry at the piano while practicing and my mom would yell at and hit her, and she'd cry more, and i'd sit terrified doing homework, too afraid to try and help her.
high school sorta rekindled this desire to save people. luckily, i soon became surrounded with people i thought i could save. unfortunately, i could not/still can not save them.
miranda: couldn't even get through to her, tried to make her happy, even fixed her up with chris davidson when she had a crush on him and i had a crush on her, couldn't do shit, gave up.
russell: isn't really self-destructive, but i tried to help him by fixing him up with julia. he said he wanted someone who'd like him for him, i thought julia would appreciate his relationship wanting and sensitive self. he ended up realizing that he's not the kind of person for relationships or something, she ended up hating him, or not, idk anymore. basically, huge backfire, guilt, emotional disconnect, couldn't help my best friend, gave up.
julia: had rough break-up with kenta, wanted a relationship and someone to take care of her. i thought russell would do that, tried to fix them up. things were great for a few months, she said we'd made her whole again, i couldn't be happier, even though at the beginning weird feelings for her started coming back. now she's smoking again, her and russell are on weird terms, i don't know if she's eating, she looks thinner and thinner, reminiscently so of miranda. she's stubborn too, so i give up.
jessy: just tried the little things, staying late afterschool, skipping classes to hang out with her. now i'm scared they'll kick me out of pl and my mom will get reli pissed, and i really want to be a pl. but i feel guilty because i want to save or help people, and i've already failed at that so much, with my sister, with my friends, even with my mentee. i feel like jessy's the only one left, so i focus all my stupid heroism on her. but then i'm scared of the consequences, and i feel like both choices, (hanging out or not, skipping obligations or not) define who i am, either the dedicated friend, or the good student, and i know i'm taking it too seriously, but i've always done that. thus, i feel like i'm sacrificing my time to save my friends, but neither of which seems to be accomplishing much, and my time isn't all that valuable, so i'm just being overly dramatic about missing classes and crap, but i still feel guilty if i neglect my friends for classes, or if i neglect my classes for friends, because that's how i see it.
so i want to be a hero, but i feel weak, and i want to sacrifice, cuz i feel it might make me more able to help my friends, but i'm not sacrificing much of actual importance, but i still feel like a martyr because my vision of good and bad is exaggerated, i guess.
and in the end, i guess part of me wants to be taken care of, not that my friends don't do that, but i feel like sometimes it's not fair to ask them to if i feel like they need saving, which most of the time they don't, and when they actually do, i don't seem to be able to do much. some hero i am. =P
i guess it started when i was younger, and still terrified of my mom. my sister still took piano back then, and she'd cry at the piano while practicing and my mom would yell at and hit her, and she'd cry more, and i'd sit terrified doing homework, too afraid to try and help her.
high school sorta rekindled this desire to save people. luckily, i soon became surrounded with people i thought i could save. unfortunately, i could not/still can not save them.
miranda: couldn't even get through to her, tried to make her happy, even fixed her up with chris davidson when she had a crush on him and i had a crush on her, couldn't do shit, gave up.
russell: isn't really self-destructive, but i tried to help him by fixing him up with julia. he said he wanted someone who'd like him for him, i thought julia would appreciate his relationship wanting and sensitive self. he ended up realizing that he's not the kind of person for relationships or something, she ended up hating him, or not, idk anymore. basically, huge backfire, guilt, emotional disconnect, couldn't help my best friend, gave up.
julia: had rough break-up with kenta, wanted a relationship and someone to take care of her. i thought russell would do that, tried to fix them up. things were great for a few months, she said we'd made her whole again, i couldn't be happier, even though at the beginning weird feelings for her started coming back. now she's smoking again, her and russell are on weird terms, i don't know if she's eating, she looks thinner and thinner, reminiscently so of miranda. she's stubborn too, so i give up.
jessy: just tried the little things, staying late afterschool, skipping classes to hang out with her. now i'm scared they'll kick me out of pl and my mom will get reli pissed, and i really want to be a pl. but i feel guilty because i want to save or help people, and i've already failed at that so much, with my sister, with my friends, even with my mentee. i feel like jessy's the only one left, so i focus all my stupid heroism on her. but then i'm scared of the consequences, and i feel like both choices, (hanging out or not, skipping obligations or not) define who i am, either the dedicated friend, or the good student, and i know i'm taking it too seriously, but i've always done that. thus, i feel like i'm sacrificing my time to save my friends, but neither of which seems to be accomplishing much, and my time isn't all that valuable, so i'm just being overly dramatic about missing classes and crap, but i still feel guilty if i neglect my friends for classes, or if i neglect my classes for friends, because that's how i see it.
so i want to be a hero, but i feel weak, and i want to sacrifice, cuz i feel it might make me more able to help my friends, but i'm not sacrificing much of actual importance, but i still feel like a martyr because my vision of good and bad is exaggerated, i guess.
and in the end, i guess part of me wants to be taken care of, not that my friends don't do that, but i feel like sometimes it's not fair to ask them to if i feel like they need saving, which most of the time they don't, and when they actually do, i don't seem to be able to do much. some hero i am. =P
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