hmm

so russ gave me the book "siddhartha" (spelling fail?) and i reli like it so far. there's a lot of thought, a lot of questioning, a lot of enjoying nature (which i love) and a lot of enlightenment.

one thing the book talks about a lot is the "Self", and how in enlightenment, the personal "Self" is one with the universal "Self", Atman. it seems like Siddhartha is most at one with Atman, or most at peace when he's admiring nature like a child, innocently, without looking for something beneath.

Siddhartha meets Gotama, a Buddha, one who has achieved enlightenment, during the book, and he talks with him, learns from him, knows his enlightenment to be real, and strives to be like him, still, unimitating, unseeking. not to compare myself to a Buddha, obviously, but today i was at jessy's with kg, celi, gen, and juliet, and we were eating out in her backyard, and it was a beautiful day and the sun was shining and lighting up the trees, and the food was delicious and the music was regina spektor and i loved everyone there, and it was just bliss, and i wanted nothing more, except maybe for gen to be a little happier.

it's times like that when i feel like we as humans are all at our best. not running, not necessarily stagnant, not yearning, not worrying, just enjoying the moment, appreciating life and the present. unbothered by the past, unwary of the future, content and still in the moment. i love that feeling, and nature is like my medium for it. i would never say i am enlightened or anything like a buddha, but i can see why Siddhartha sees such solace in nature, such admiration for stillness.