belief

first of all, happy thanksgiving everyone. =]

so, i've been thinking about belief recently. (as in yesterday and today =P) i realize that everyone believes in something. people with religion, obviously, believe in something. even if they don't know exactly what they're following in their religion, they believe that there's something right or worthwhile in their belief.

atheists, or at least the ones i know, seem to justify either their godless beliefs or their somewhat obnoxious denial of others' beliefs with science. but if you think about it, a good amount of science relies on faith. let's say for this blog that faith is believing in something without fully being aware of it. like in a god that is invisible, or, for scientific atheists, the subatomic, unseen particles that supposedly make up all of existence. right now, at least, we can't see molecules and atoms and photons and quarks, etc.

cells are supposed to be the building blocks of life, but we can't see them as cells. we see them as the compositions of cells. amoeba, squirrels, doves, people, trees, dust, everything is made up of something. mind you, i don't remember middle school science that well, so i may be mixing up some scientific terms, but bottom line, if you believe in those subatomic particles that we can't see, feel, or detect in any way, you have faith, in that you believe in something that you have no real proof of.

sometimes, i feel like religion can almost be more believable than science. so much of science deals with things we can't see, either because they're too small, too far away, outside of the spectrum of light which is visible to us, etc., but religion can be based on your experience, and what you feel in your heart. if miracles or inexplicable good things happen to you, belief can explain that, or rather, that can serve as proof of your belief.

the bottom line though, with both religion and science, is that we can't know everything about either. at least, not in a future that i can see happening any time soon. we can't see exactly what the inside of an atom looks like, we can't see God in his/her/their/its truest or natural form, we can't see Him act, we can't see atoms physically make up everything, but for those of us who have belief (virtually all of us), we trust that what we believe in does what is necessary for life to continue. so really, what right does anyone have to say "no, your god or gods don't exist because science has other explanations" if all of the forces and particles and waves that we use to explain everything are as physically invisible to us as a god. there's no way for us to fully know, so why don't we just accept each other's interpretations and live with them just being theories?

time

sometimes, i hate time. today, the morning went by slow as hell, the afternoon was...idk, and the evening went by far too quick.

sometimes i wish i could stay in the present, just a little longer. sometimes i wish i could just enjoy her gaze for another few seconds, just a few. her eyes are so soft and warm. i could honestly stare at them all day. then again, i love eyes in general. if someone would let me, i'd just stare into their eyes, looking for some clue to their existence or personality. shakespeare said "the eyes are the windows to the soul". i like to believe things like that. i'm a romantic fool, so wat. soul passage or no, peoples' eyes are beautiful. from gen's star exploding eyes, to jessy's near black pools of mystery, to russell's changing ice walls, to juliet's sweet brown canvas of emotion.

i got off the subject of time, sorry. =P but maybe that's why i like staring contests so much. i get to look at ppl's eyes closely without making them feel awkward.

ah, i keep digressing. watever. long story short, there never seems to be enough time. for anything. it sucks.

so much stuff

i just realized. NO ONE is great at everything. NO ONE can even do everything there is to do. there's simply just too much. and even though it's an idea that sets a limit to our existence, it also speaks to the unlimited nature of life. i love that.

i love knowing that no matter how much i focus on trying to do everything, i can't. some people i know might not like this fact as much, that no matter how much sleep u skip, u'll never have enough time in your life to master everything, every art form, every sport, every movement of your own body, every way to please someone, be it emotionally or physically, but i'm getting inappropriate.

basically, i like that even though tarik's soooo beyond me in gospel and jazz piano, we both have our own specialties like that. he's a gospel and jazz pianist, which comes with endless amounts of chords and harmonies and disonances, while i'm more classical and....alternative? which comes with more focus on touch with the piano, and feeling the melodies, and phrasing of the pieces and not just the chords and improv harmonies.

and i like that even though cole is soooo beyond me in waving, and isolation stuff, that i'm better than him with foot stuff, i think. (heel-toe, crip walk, he might be a better glider) watever. i jock on him at guitar hero. =P

and finally, i love that i can still goof off and play solitaire and text twist (which i also beast at =]) and be cute and silly with my amazing friends and incredible girlfriend, and still maintain some level of skill in the things i do. i don't have to be the best, because frankly, i don't have the time to devote myself enough to all of the things i do. and i'm totally fine with that. i like being a jack of all trades, even if i don't have the devotion to be king. =]

cuz really, my life in general makes me feel like king of the world anyway =D

swings

it's weird how quickly things can change. how ppl can go from happy to hating humanity in a few hours, minutes even, how ppl can spend years of bottling up their emotions, squashing their issues, giving excuses to their parents for why they're so "distracted", all for the sake of someone else, who can then basically shit on that in unhappiness. it's weird how we can stifle our gut instincts to try and keep others from falling into despair, and its weird how quickly that can go wrong, and how angry thoughts can come. like the fact that he's the main teller of dead baby jokes in the school.

it's weird how guilt and shame can breed angry blog posts. how a few words can make ur body shudder, ur heart sink, and ur head ache, and how u can ask "what can i possibly do against the world she hates". not to say that such stimuli are unreasonable, no. maybe im just tired. good nite, and i'm sorry.

wonderful

philosophy's been making me think a lot about how words work. take wonderful, for example. full of wonder, full of awe, full of mystery, but we find wonderful things beautiful, amazing, lovely, almost as if we're thanking divinity for them.

this weekend was wonderful. at home, it was meh, my family's great, but i did hours of college stuff and piano practice and chores so i could go out, but it was soooooo worth it.

friday: party at gen's house, as always, just me, gen, juliet, jones, jordan, and calvin (juliet's brother), wii, and futurama, and it was waaaaaay more fun than i thought. we talked to jones about his love life, got him on the right track, juliet closed her eyes for a bit, and i once more got to see wat an angel looks like when she sleeps.

saturday: short time at juliet's, playing wii with calvin and sarah, some pretty good pizza, just nice atmosphere. then laura's expectedly awkward party, benihana (free food!!) pictures where my head looked big and awkward (i'll live =P) and some epic model walking. finally, laura's roof, which had the most amazing view. im not one to kiss and tell, but it was by far the most breathtaking experience of my life. the wind, the cold night air, knowing how far above the world we were, holding each other so tight, it was...perfect.

sunday: jesse's party, more delicious free food, more good friends, a semi-footrace (which i won =]) gooooood leftovers, and the most romantic wait for a bus i can remember. =]

finally, ahh, the most incredible goodbye, which left me unaware of my body, my feet feeling strange to be walking on the ground again. i guess that's wat happens when an angel takes u up to heaven for a spell =].