weird

hmm, so a lot has happened since the last post, i think. i asked juliet out, it's been incredible, we've said i love you, and besides my boyish kryptonite, it's absolutely perfect.

that kryptonite of my boyhood is what this post is about. WARNING: you may find this post brutally honest and out of character for me. i've had some stuff on my mind and i feel like getting it out. sorry, but this is straight from me. i've been looking back at my relationship with chigozie a few times. not in longing, or regret, or anything, i just don't feel that way about her anymore, and i feel like i'm seeing our relationship for what it really was. i'm starting to see how much lust there really was between us, how in a one year+ long relationship, i only kissed her at her door the night we got together, (she was afraid someone would see and tell her mom, who's fanatically religious, long story, blah) and that the only reason we'd have late night conversations is that she could talk FOREVER.

that's part of why this relationship with juliet is incredible. not to compare her to chigozie, but we have way more in common (including height, which quite frankly makes kissing much easier =P), she doesnt dominate conversations, and she's unbelievably sweet. i've never met someone who can go, for lack of a better term, toe to toe with me with romantic little exchanges. and she's so sweet and sincere, so I know she means it. also, she goes to school with me, so i get to see her every day, which is soooooooooooo great, and unlike chigozie, i know her entire family, and i don't feel like a secret.

and her eyes are so beautiful, as is the rest of her. my only regret is that she wears hats so often, so i can't see the color of her eyes as well as possible. being with her is so unbelievable though. holding her hand just feels right, and making her smile and laugh just---ahhhhh. i was listening to, well, its sort of our song, "won't stop" by one republic, and my heart was just soaring. i felt in peace and ecstasy at the same time, and i was just so happy to have her.

honestly, being with her, i feel like i'm thinking with my heart, and not my dick. not that i do the second that often, but i have at times, but with her, even though i'm...very attracted to her, i know my feelings are genuine and not just lust.

finally, there's something else on my mind, but it's more of a personal thing with her and with me, and it should stay that way. plus, i feel like a dick even thinking about it. so i guess i didn't talk about my boyhood weakness, or not even, my flaw of being a guy, which i'm frankly quite annoyed with, because it makes me feel like guys r perceived to be: shallow, sexual, etc. oh well. things r still amazing. =]