Sunday, October 26, 2008
being a guy
i don't like being a guy. we think about sex too much. and when we're conscious of how much more we think like that than other ppl, it's annoying, and we feel like pricks. or at least i do. =P
Saturday, October 25, 2008
guys suck
guys are douchebags. there's no getting around it anymore. far too many of us follow our dicks, no matter how other people might be affected, and no matter how much we may care about those other people. sure, we have our moments when we listen to girls' problems and we try to comfort you, but as soon as we feel insulted or our dicks...beckon, we do something insensitive or dickish. this probably still applies to me, but not the point.
basically, women deserve better than us. we don't notice you enough. you try to look pretty for us, you try to be nice to us, to get a point across, and we just don't take the hint. you let us know you're hurting, and maybe we're uncomfortable or don't know what to say, so we change the subject. girls, i'm sorry we as a gender aren't considerate enough to do right by you. as much as you listen to us and pick us up on the rare occasions when we choose to talk about our problems, we just can't be the man you deserve.
i truly wish we as guys were better, but sometimes it's like we're not even trying.
basically, women deserve better than us. we don't notice you enough. you try to look pretty for us, you try to be nice to us, to get a point across, and we just don't take the hint. you let us know you're hurting, and maybe we're uncomfortable or don't know what to say, so we change the subject. girls, i'm sorry we as a gender aren't considerate enough to do right by you. as much as you listen to us and pick us up on the rare occasions when we choose to talk about our problems, we just can't be the man you deserve.
i truly wish we as guys were better, but sometimes it's like we're not even trying.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
all we are
i've been thinking about this for a loooooong time, but recently tolu and juliet have made me revisit it. who am i?
it's weird, i've been telling my middle school and now high school....followers? i guess u'd say, that high school is about getting an idea of who u r. it's my senior year, and i've definitely come a long way from when i was a freshman. i've started a club, i'm the head of another club, i'm a peer leader, a freshman and sophomore say they wanna be me, and i get compliments almost every day, mostly from the new freshman, saying how i'm the man. i really feel like a king here, and i have the perfect queen. =]
but back to who i am. let's see. my mom has called me a renaissance man, and despite the biased source, i guess that describes me pretty well. i'm a poet, a pianist, a bit of a composer and singer, and an ok dancer.
as for my being a dancer, i've noticed that everyone has a distinct style. jack's a breakdancer, cole's a ridic wave artist, i'd call it, sam's a...pop n locker?, amadi's a krumper, mostly, so is naja, tolu's...hmm, she's got this reli african, bodily flare in every dance, juliet, she's sort of a smooth isolationist, i guess. it's hard to define. and as for me, err, i guess i'm sort of a waver, not as crazy as cole, a bit of a krumper, most of my moves involve chest popping, but i've got some solid foot skills. so idk exactly wat my dance style is, mostly chest and feet. =P
as a poet, i know pretty much exactly wat i am. this is mostly thanks to jessy. i'm a daydreamer of a poet. i take notice of every day things, i see them as beautiful, and i try to put them into words. i also examine people though. their happiness, but mostly their scars and their masks. so i guess i'm an absent-minded psychologist of a poet. =P
as for piano, my god, i went to dinner last night at my sister's friends house, and her mom plays piano, and they had the most AMAZING piano in their living room. it was like 8-10 ft long, which is huge for a piano, this light brown, almost engraved body, and the sound was ahhhh, perfect. the keys didn't stick, they werent loud or clanky, it was a masterpiece of a a piano. as a musician, my strength is my ear, and this goes for piano and singing. i can think of good harmonies, i can pick out almost any song ive heard (except spanish music and stevie wonder, for some reason =P) basically, in piano, i play wat i like. that's wat i focus most on. i have good touch on the keys, cuz i've seen my piano teacher's reaction to me playing sometimes, and she's been teaching for like 40 years, and she thinks i have a gift. so i guess i must have some talent. =]
but as a person, that's a whole other story. i'm sensitive, but i've gotten less emotionally entangled, in terms of sympathizing with others, i dont get as involved with their problems now, like if my friend is going through some rough shit, i don't worry all the time any more, but i still care, so i think i've found a good balance. since freshman year, i've def gained a ton of self-confidence and have become way more outspoken. i'm not afraid to get in a dance circle, but i do have trouble planning my moves, making up original stuff. =P
i've gotten over most of my past insecurities, i know i dont have a six pack, but i'm fine with my belly, it's fun if nothing else, haha. i realize i'm attractive, thanks to my female friends and beginning to wear jeans, quite frankly, and i know im not a genius, but i know im smart. i still think a lot, about life, i like to people watch, just to watch their faces, looking for emotions or reactions or something, not all the time, that'd be creepy, but sometimes.
so let's see if i can sum myself up: i'm a sensitive artist who sometimes talks shit during video games, im a good student who thinks a lot, but sometimes slacks off to hang out with my friends, who i love. i like to make ppl laugh, and listen to their problems to help them feel better, but sometimes, it just feels like alot. it doesnt stop me from listening, but sometimes i just dont go out of my way to listen to them. so i guess im a good friend, but not the perfect friend, i dont always have the best advice, but i try, and i guess my worst trait is that i think of things sexually too much. =P it's nothing i act on really, but i have a dirty mind sometimes. nothing disgusting, just unnecessary sometimes, but maybe that's just me being a guy. but all in all, i like who i am, i like my life, i love my friends, and i love my girlfriend. oh, which reminds me, i love looking at peoples eyes and trying to watch people think. which is why blogs are awesome. they let u inside someone's head. ok, long long post over. that is me, in a...big nutshell. =]
it's weird, i've been telling my middle school and now high school....followers? i guess u'd say, that high school is about getting an idea of who u r. it's my senior year, and i've definitely come a long way from when i was a freshman. i've started a club, i'm the head of another club, i'm a peer leader, a freshman and sophomore say they wanna be me, and i get compliments almost every day, mostly from the new freshman, saying how i'm the man. i really feel like a king here, and i have the perfect queen. =]
but back to who i am. let's see. my mom has called me a renaissance man, and despite the biased source, i guess that describes me pretty well. i'm a poet, a pianist, a bit of a composer and singer, and an ok dancer.
as for my being a dancer, i've noticed that everyone has a distinct style. jack's a breakdancer, cole's a ridic wave artist, i'd call it, sam's a...pop n locker?, amadi's a krumper, mostly, so is naja, tolu's...hmm, she's got this reli african, bodily flare in every dance, juliet, she's sort of a smooth isolationist, i guess. it's hard to define. and as for me, err, i guess i'm sort of a waver, not as crazy as cole, a bit of a krumper, most of my moves involve chest popping, but i've got some solid foot skills. so idk exactly wat my dance style is, mostly chest and feet. =P
as a poet, i know pretty much exactly wat i am. this is mostly thanks to jessy. i'm a daydreamer of a poet. i take notice of every day things, i see them as beautiful, and i try to put them into words. i also examine people though. their happiness, but mostly their scars and their masks. so i guess i'm an absent-minded psychologist of a poet. =P
as for piano, my god, i went to dinner last night at my sister's friends house, and her mom plays piano, and they had the most AMAZING piano in their living room. it was like 8-10 ft long, which is huge for a piano, this light brown, almost engraved body, and the sound was ahhhh, perfect. the keys didn't stick, they werent loud or clanky, it was a masterpiece of a a piano. as a musician, my strength is my ear, and this goes for piano and singing. i can think of good harmonies, i can pick out almost any song ive heard (except spanish music and stevie wonder, for some reason =P) basically, in piano, i play wat i like. that's wat i focus most on. i have good touch on the keys, cuz i've seen my piano teacher's reaction to me playing sometimes, and she's been teaching for like 40 years, and she thinks i have a gift. so i guess i must have some talent. =]
but as a person, that's a whole other story. i'm sensitive, but i've gotten less emotionally entangled, in terms of sympathizing with others, i dont get as involved with their problems now, like if my friend is going through some rough shit, i don't worry all the time any more, but i still care, so i think i've found a good balance. since freshman year, i've def gained a ton of self-confidence and have become way more outspoken. i'm not afraid to get in a dance circle, but i do have trouble planning my moves, making up original stuff. =P
i've gotten over most of my past insecurities, i know i dont have a six pack, but i'm fine with my belly, it's fun if nothing else, haha. i realize i'm attractive, thanks to my female friends and beginning to wear jeans, quite frankly, and i know im not a genius, but i know im smart. i still think a lot, about life, i like to people watch, just to watch their faces, looking for emotions or reactions or something, not all the time, that'd be creepy, but sometimes.
so let's see if i can sum myself up: i'm a sensitive artist who sometimes talks shit during video games, im a good student who thinks a lot, but sometimes slacks off to hang out with my friends, who i love. i like to make ppl laugh, and listen to their problems to help them feel better, but sometimes, it just feels like alot. it doesnt stop me from listening, but sometimes i just dont go out of my way to listen to them. so i guess im a good friend, but not the perfect friend, i dont always have the best advice, but i try, and i guess my worst trait is that i think of things sexually too much. =P it's nothing i act on really, but i have a dirty mind sometimes. nothing disgusting, just unnecessary sometimes, but maybe that's just me being a guy. but all in all, i like who i am, i like my life, i love my friends, and i love my girlfriend. oh, which reminds me, i love looking at peoples eyes and trying to watch people think. which is why blogs are awesome. they let u inside someone's head. ok, long long post over. that is me, in a...big nutshell. =]
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
weird
hmm, so a lot has happened since the last post, i think. i asked juliet out, it's been incredible, we've said i love you, and besides my boyish kryptonite, it's absolutely perfect.
that kryptonite of my boyhood is what this post is about. WARNING: you may find this post brutally honest and out of character for me. i've had some stuff on my mind and i feel like getting it out. sorry, but this is straight from me. i've been looking back at my relationship with chigozie a few times. not in longing, or regret, or anything, i just don't feel that way about her anymore, and i feel like i'm seeing our relationship for what it really was. i'm starting to see how much lust there really was between us, how in a one year+ long relationship, i only kissed her at her door the night we got together, (she was afraid someone would see and tell her mom, who's fanatically religious, long story, blah) and that the only reason we'd have late night conversations is that she could talk FOREVER.
that's part of why this relationship with juliet is incredible. not to compare her to chigozie, but we have way more in common (including height, which quite frankly makes kissing much easier =P), she doesnt dominate conversations, and she's unbelievably sweet. i've never met someone who can go, for lack of a better term, toe to toe with me with romantic little exchanges. and she's so sweet and sincere, so I know she means it. also, she goes to school with me, so i get to see her every day, which is soooooooooooo great, and unlike chigozie, i know her entire family, and i don't feel like a secret.
and her eyes are so beautiful, as is the rest of her. my only regret is that she wears hats so often, so i can't see the color of her eyes as well as possible. being with her is so unbelievable though. holding her hand just feels right, and making her smile and laugh just---ahhhhh. i was listening to, well, its sort of our song, "won't stop" by one republic, and my heart was just soaring. i felt in peace and ecstasy at the same time, and i was just so happy to have her.
honestly, being with her, i feel like i'm thinking with my heart, and not my dick. not that i do the second that often, but i have at times, but with her, even though i'm...very attracted to her, i know my feelings are genuine and not just lust.
finally, there's something else on my mind, but it's more of a personal thing with her and with me, and it should stay that way. plus, i feel like a dick even thinking about it. so i guess i didn't talk about my boyhood weakness, or not even, my flaw of being a guy, which i'm frankly quite annoyed with, because it makes me feel like guys r perceived to be: shallow, sexual, etc. oh well. things r still amazing. =]
that kryptonite of my boyhood is what this post is about. WARNING: you may find this post brutally honest and out of character for me. i've had some stuff on my mind and i feel like getting it out. sorry, but this is straight from me. i've been looking back at my relationship with chigozie a few times. not in longing, or regret, or anything, i just don't feel that way about her anymore, and i feel like i'm seeing our relationship for what it really was. i'm starting to see how much lust there really was between us, how in a one year+ long relationship, i only kissed her at her door the night we got together, (she was afraid someone would see and tell her mom, who's fanatically religious, long story, blah) and that the only reason we'd have late night conversations is that she could talk FOREVER.
that's part of why this relationship with juliet is incredible. not to compare her to chigozie, but we have way more in common (including height, which quite frankly makes kissing much easier =P), she doesnt dominate conversations, and she's unbelievably sweet. i've never met someone who can go, for lack of a better term, toe to toe with me with romantic little exchanges. and she's so sweet and sincere, so I know she means it. also, she goes to school with me, so i get to see her every day, which is soooooooooooo great, and unlike chigozie, i know her entire family, and i don't feel like a secret.
and her eyes are so beautiful, as is the rest of her. my only regret is that she wears hats so often, so i can't see the color of her eyes as well as possible. being with her is so unbelievable though. holding her hand just feels right, and making her smile and laugh just---ahhhhh. i was listening to, well, its sort of our song, "won't stop" by one republic, and my heart was just soaring. i felt in peace and ecstasy at the same time, and i was just so happy to have her.
honestly, being with her, i feel like i'm thinking with my heart, and not my dick. not that i do the second that often, but i have at times, but with her, even though i'm...very attracted to her, i know my feelings are genuine and not just lust.
finally, there's something else on my mind, but it's more of a personal thing with her and with me, and it should stay that way. plus, i feel like a dick even thinking about it. so i guess i didn't talk about my boyhood weakness, or not even, my flaw of being a guy, which i'm frankly quite annoyed with, because it makes me feel like guys r perceived to be: shallow, sexual, etc. oh well. things r still amazing. =]
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