growing up

i keep trying to imagine how i'll be in 10, 20, 30 years. i figure in 10 years i might be more outgoing, a little more...debauch? (is that a word?), i guess in 20 years i'll be ready for, if not already raising kids, so i'll mellow a tad, but probably get back in touch with my inner child, and then in 30 years, i'll be more like my father, a little tired, happy, but fully dealing with real life shit, with kids, a career, hopefully stable, in psychology ideally.

all i know is, i want to be a better person than i am now. im afraid my temper will always be an issue, but im working on it, i find that just taking a minute to breath helps. i want to be wiser, but not a dick. i want to KNOW more about life, about people, about the world. right now, i know some, i think, but i don't even know how much i REALLY know. when i'm older, i want to be able to say "i know some about life" or "i don't know shit about life", but either way, i want sureness. i want to know where my intellect stands.

but no matter what, as i grow up, i want to stay happy. i don't want to become cynical or sarcastic like mr. fisher, even if i become as knowledgeable as he is. of my teachers, i want to be most like TdeZ or mr. glassman. they're undeniably wise and nice, but they are so far from arrogance that i can barely use it in a sentence describing them. TdeZ always looks happy with what he's doing, and he's comfortable enough to laugh and make silly noises and joke around about deep philosophy, and mr. glassman almost always has a smile on his face, and when he doesn't....u don't want to be there.

for now tho, i like who i am. i know i have good qualities, i know i have parts of my personality that i need to work on, and i know i still have parts of myself that i can learn more about. i'm probably gonna start going to ms. diaz not just to talk about possibly becoming a psychologist, but maybe to get a psychological evaluation. i don't think i'm crazy, persay, but i feel like she'd be able to help me understand myself better. plus, she's nice and seems quite trustworthy. ok guys, i'll try to blog more, since some of u are asking me to, but for now, happy long weekend. =]

new layout

my old template for the blog seemed a tad dark for me, i like this one better. the colors r brighter, yet still mellow, and the top is bootiful. =]

value pt 2

haircut: $12
groceries for ur mom: $13
cab ride home: $8
falling asleep with an angel in your arms: priceless =]

value

2 bags of doritos: $1.80
2 hershey's milk chocolate bars: $1.90
1 yellow rose: $5.99 (i think, i forget)
1 hug and a kiss on the forehead: priceless

yet another bag of doritos: $0.90
1 naruto ramen: $10 before tip
dancing in the dark with the ppl you love: priceless
kissing the girl you love goodnight in front of both ur families: worth anything =]

let's try this again

words only burn when the mind is hot
hot with thoughts, angry, passionate, something.
my mind is too soft,
my passion too tempered.
when angels fill ur head
its hard to get worked up.

but when ur surrounded by perfection, by purity
u feel urself a beast
birds leave the tree wanting,
wings seem a torture flaunting,
thoughts seem tainted,
grey matter turned black
and if they come down to ur level,
they may never ascend back.
must we pluck the wings from innocence
to cover up our shame,
must we dwell on anger's resonance
when its casing is to blame?

i'll find a way to speak the truth
without ribbons of prose
but until then, my words, forsooth
are as cliche as a rose. =P

let's see what flows

i never let thoughts flourish
never see them really grow
i usually stifle them in rhymes and form
so now i'll write, let's see what flows.
i can't seem to find the words to speak
my mind too at peace,
to at ease to strike a chord
in me.
i've bitched before
whined, always wanting more
more women, more attention
more recognition, less pretention.
i never liked whining to ppl,
i guess i just felt less alone.
when u know ppl listen to you,
there's some attention that u own.
haha, i can't seem to stop rhyming,
but freestyle just doesnt seem
my style,
it doesnt beam
my light,
my fire.
my love,
my ire.
can't focus, too many ims
that bleeping sound disruptive
i need silence to stop thinking
and start writing again,
till next time.

new years

hey ppls, u probably know it's new years. i've been thinking a lot, talking to ppl some, most of the thoughts either expressed, too private, or unexpressable, so i guess i'll skip them and just do some resolutions:

1) stay in shape/get in better shape, either by working out every day, doing a sport if not dtw, just being more active i guess. i seem to be a laze outside of hip hop class or other dance related places.

2) stay sharp with work even during second semester, dont just blow off senior initiative, dont slack off, even after getting into college.

3) GET HOME ON TIME. (juliet knows what im talking about =P)

4) get into dtw, cuz it's always sooo much fun. (this one's less up to me)

5) in peer leadership, give my freshmen something out of the experience, make them remember or at least not regret the sessions.

6) in piano and dance, get better at improv, be it hip hop, modern, jazz music, i just want to be more original and dynamic.

7) keep writing poetry (obviously), maybe do an epic poem, or something epic with poetry.

8) make poetry club more active, keep the laid back environment, but organize more things than just reading in meetings.

that should do it for now, happy 2009! =]