eugene: i'm happy for u and julia. i heard the poem u wrote for her and it sounds like u're really happy about it. i'll admit, i was surprised when i first heard about u 2, but seeing the look in her eyes that night in astor place when she told me she was waiting for u made me think that this could really be something beautiful. suerte y amor, chico.
dillon: u know i'm sorry about what happened, but i think this will help u start looking after yourself more. i won't elaborate because i know this is somewhat public, but u know i'm here for u, and just know it's not the end of the world, or love, by any means.
russ: last night was nice. idk, u sorta looked out of ur element at times, but it was nice having u there and playing wii with u. i feel like we drifted this year, and i know it was cuz i was jealous of u and jessy getting so close over the summer, telling each other everything and relying on each other. i just felt like a third wheel and that we couldn't really connect cuz u wouldn't tell me wat was going on half the time. but i know now that it's how u operate, and that it doesn't mean we can't still be close. i missed u man. here's to more good times b4 college.
andrew heinrich: what happened.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
irreverent
"due to a few bumps in the road"
"so, besides people jumping out of buildings, how's dalton?"
i just wish ppl were a little more sensitive, respectful, tactful about things like this. just a little.
"so, besides people jumping out of buildings, how's dalton?"
i just wish ppl were a little more sensitive, respectful, tactful about things like this. just a little.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
meaning
disclaimer: you may find this post pretentious of me, but watever.
so, today was good, 3 labs, did some work, some kenken, didnt play much gameboy.
oh, and i discovered the meaning of life. this time for real, cuz TdeZ verified and discussed it with me. it's not happiness, it's not love, cuz the meaning of life is bigger than human desire. it's about how every living thing is designed to continue living and procreate, continuing its species. it's about how every living thing is naturally equipped to survive and keep living as a primary function.
even amoeba, single-celled creatures, separate and duplicate, survive and procreate by instinct. evolution itself was a species' reaction to its environment, changing to stay alive in a setting that wouldn't change to suit its needs. even after thousands of years of society and millions of years of evolution, humans still seek food, fear death, and long to procreate.
life is the opposite of death by definition. by this, its meaning lies in its opposition of death. living things are constantly striving to stay alive, to stave off death and continue life.
in short, life's meaning is survival and procreation. life is designed to continue itself. initially, this made me really anxious, making me think that the only reason we're here is to not die, and to continue our species. but TdeZ helped me realize that the beauty of life is that its self-preservation is in its nature. everything, from flowers to animals to humans have a need, an instinct to stay alive, even if they're not aware of it.
but don't think that our lives have no meaning besides surviving, because i still think that human life has a different purpose besides surviving, because there's so much that humans do that is neither to survive nor to procreate. but that's a more question for another day.
and i know it's an intense question i just tried to answer, and feel free to doubt me, but that answer works for me. i know what i felt and i trust TdeZ. make of it what you will, but this is what i believe.
so, today was good, 3 labs, did some work, some kenken, didnt play much gameboy.
oh, and i discovered the meaning of life. this time for real, cuz TdeZ verified and discussed it with me. it's not happiness, it's not love, cuz the meaning of life is bigger than human desire. it's about how every living thing is designed to continue living and procreate, continuing its species. it's about how every living thing is naturally equipped to survive and keep living as a primary function.
even amoeba, single-celled creatures, separate and duplicate, survive and procreate by instinct. evolution itself was a species' reaction to its environment, changing to stay alive in a setting that wouldn't change to suit its needs. even after thousands of years of society and millions of years of evolution, humans still seek food, fear death, and long to procreate.
life is the opposite of death by definition. by this, its meaning lies in its opposition of death. living things are constantly striving to stay alive, to stave off death and continue life.
in short, life's meaning is survival and procreation. life is designed to continue itself. initially, this made me really anxious, making me think that the only reason we're here is to not die, and to continue our species. but TdeZ helped me realize that the beauty of life is that its self-preservation is in its nature. everything, from flowers to animals to humans have a need, an instinct to stay alive, even if they're not aware of it.
but don't think that our lives have no meaning besides surviving, because i still think that human life has a different purpose besides surviving, because there's so much that humans do that is neither to survive nor to procreate. but that's a more question for another day.
and i know it's an intense question i just tried to answer, and feel free to doubt me, but that answer works for me. i know what i felt and i trust TdeZ. make of it what you will, but this is what i believe.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
reflection
sometimes u catch a glimpse of urself in someone else, and ur so suprised by what you see, you just can't reconcile with it.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
music
so i was at a seder against my will the other night, and it was admittedly not as bad as i thought. i hadn't seen these ppl in literally 10 years, and i never looked forward to seeing them in the past. anyway, food was pretty good, the adults were reli nice if a tad loud, but 2 of the girls were boy obsessed and sounded kinda slutty from how they were telling stories. the girl who's house it was was fine though. sweet, courteous, a friends fan.
but eventually i got sick of the boy talk and went out to the adults to play some piano. and it saved me from awkwardness the rest of the night. i played wat i've been working on of clair de lune, and i worked my way through moonlight sonata for the first time in weeks. then i played the song i wrote, and some oldies and newies that i'd picked out by ear before.
but to the point of the post, i know i can do quite a few things decently, dance, sing, write poetry, but music's by far the thing i'm most confident about. i'm always second guessing myself at my dancing and singing ability, and i feel like i'm missing something in my poetry, but music is something i KNOW i'm beast at. i get writer's block at times, i can never think of original movements to do in dance, and even the stuff i'm taught i feel like i look awkward doing half the time, and i feel like my voice is good for certain songs, but at the end of the day, i know i can sit down at the piano and go up and down those keys with total comfort.
for the moves i can't do, the ideas i can't convey in words, and the notes i can't hit with my voice, piano is something that never fully limits me. just as all 88 keys are laid out before me, so are the infinite possibilities of melodies and harmonies. when i write a poem, i like for it to have some meaning or point, and i often have trouble sticking to that point or even finding it, but with piano, it's all self-explanatory. the music flows through me and is colored by my mood. no language but the notes themselves, no prose but the rhythm and tempo i choose, no rhyme but the harmonies coming from the instrument.
for some reason, it comes easier for me to be original in music than anything else. i don't necesasrily have to have a subject in mind when i play, i don't need a plan or a structure. i can just start somewhere and see where my ear takes me, i can travel to different octaves and repeat as i see fit, fiddle with rhythm and key independently and together to emphasize. i know poetry, dance, and singing have multiple dimensions like music, but with the piano, it's like i know every interval, every touch, every tone, and i have control over every one, every dimension ready to bend at my command. but it's not even a power thing, it's like symbiosis. the music uses me to escape the instrument and resonate, and i use the music like meditation, calming, pensive, renewing.
but eventually i got sick of the boy talk and went out to the adults to play some piano. and it saved me from awkwardness the rest of the night. i played wat i've been working on of clair de lune, and i worked my way through moonlight sonata for the first time in weeks. then i played the song i wrote, and some oldies and newies that i'd picked out by ear before.
but to the point of the post, i know i can do quite a few things decently, dance, sing, write poetry, but music's by far the thing i'm most confident about. i'm always second guessing myself at my dancing and singing ability, and i feel like i'm missing something in my poetry, but music is something i KNOW i'm beast at. i get writer's block at times, i can never think of original movements to do in dance, and even the stuff i'm taught i feel like i look awkward doing half the time, and i feel like my voice is good for certain songs, but at the end of the day, i know i can sit down at the piano and go up and down those keys with total comfort.
for the moves i can't do, the ideas i can't convey in words, and the notes i can't hit with my voice, piano is something that never fully limits me. just as all 88 keys are laid out before me, so are the infinite possibilities of melodies and harmonies. when i write a poem, i like for it to have some meaning or point, and i often have trouble sticking to that point or even finding it, but with piano, it's all self-explanatory. the music flows through me and is colored by my mood. no language but the notes themselves, no prose but the rhythm and tempo i choose, no rhyme but the harmonies coming from the instrument.
for some reason, it comes easier for me to be original in music than anything else. i don't necesasrily have to have a subject in mind when i play, i don't need a plan or a structure. i can just start somewhere and see where my ear takes me, i can travel to different octaves and repeat as i see fit, fiddle with rhythm and key independently and together to emphasize. i know poetry, dance, and singing have multiple dimensions like music, but with the piano, it's like i know every interval, every touch, every tone, and i have control over every one, every dimension ready to bend at my command. but it's not even a power thing, it's like symbiosis. the music uses me to escape the instrument and resonate, and i use the music like meditation, calming, pensive, renewing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)